Kurz AJ

Well, my friend, by no means I meant to imply that I'm a close friend of Her Majesty, I would not even entertain such a thought.
There are such occasions though, that Her Majesty finds it -- as she puts it -- "interesting indeed" (and also quite amusing, I suspect) to hear stories of our missions and secret assignments and she allows Herself to kindly find time for me in Her busy schedule.
Last time, when I was enjoying fine brandy and Partagas No. 10 with Her Majesty, one of Her Welsh Corgis appeared in the room, all muddy and wet, and she called her dog "you dirty little bastard!"

You know, 007, what you've just described here is a big problem of these so-called "discussion forums". One raises a question/topic, then somebody wise or at least somebody helpful joins in and responds to it adequately. But it does not take long and a bunch of those weirdoes and wackoes appear there and do everything to draw all attention to themselves. It is really sad this is happening all day long but I am afraid there is no way of driving those psychos out of here for good. Anyway, there still exists a number of individuals who are ready to give their helpful hand and will not let you down.
As for the Queen, well, I am quite surprised that you are such a close friend of hers. I guess it does not happen every day that you have a "cigar day" with Her Majesty. And you can count on me I am not going to give away anything that could cause Her Majesty any trouble. I think everyone keeps something in secret, right? You know, these are mainly agents or gentlemen who know their ways in acting like that! Just imagine, if I asked you now what mission you are on these days you would not probably respond directly, am I correct?
Have a nice day, my friend, I'll stay in touch. Hopefully, we will soon be chating with some new fellas around here.

You know, 007, what you've just described here is a big problem of these so-called "discussion forums". One raises a question/topic, then somebody wise or at least somebody helpful joins in and responds to it adequately. But it does not take long and a bunch of those weirdoes and wackoes appear there and do everything to draw all attention to themselves. It is really sad this is happening all day long but I am afraid there is no way of driving those psychos out of here for good. Anyway, there still exists a number of individuals who are ready to give their helpful hand and will not let you down.
As for the Queen, well, I am quite surprised that you are such a close friend of hers. I guess it does not happen every day that you have a "cigar day" with Her Majesty. And you can count on me I am not going to give away anything that could cause Her Majesty any trouble. I think everyone keeps something in secret, right? You know, these are mainly agents or gentlemen who know their ways in acting like that! Just imagine, if I asked you now what mission you are on these days you would not probably respond directly, am I correct?
Have a nice day, my friend, I'll stay in touch. Hopefully, we will soon be chating with some new fellas around here.

Oh rubbish, it's just us lads killing some time.
Please do drop in and join us.

Jářku, pěknej kurs, ale už pro pokročilý...

Well, Shakey, she certainly has her opinions, that's for sure.
But I do have to tell you - sometimes the damned girl is right! She cuts down on a lot of pretentious bullshit (pardon my vulgar language, I beg of you) that's going on here many, many times.
And, my boy, if you do happen to consume several Martinis, her language then becomes just perfect for this weird forum of misfits, psychobabblers, weirdoes, psychos, abusers, sadists, masochists and many other kinds of assorted dubious characters - mental or physical.
Mostly mental though, unfortunately.
Oh, I would just love to take this wild girl for several Martinis, I bet it would be a blast!
Shakey, by the way (in all confidence, I beg of you!) Her Majesty herself is quite capable of using very salty language, if you understand what I mean, but please do me that favor and keep this information to yourself.
Once we even shared a cigar!

Oh yeah, I agree with you, she really is a little bit wilder for my taste, but if you knew her just a little more you would not be wondering at all. Rara is known to pester most of the server's discussion forums with her pathetic exclamations, moron-like opinions on various issues and she perhaps thinks she is the wisest and funniest person on Earth. Not to mention the mentally ill girl (or is it a boy?) uses a very coarse and indecent language that nobody of "the high society" - which is us

Oh hello there, Shakey old buddy!
That rara character is truly something else, I'll tell you. She seems to have a wild streak in her, she would probably beat the royal crap out of both of us, heh?

Please be so kind and do not call that poor agent a name. Drinking Martinis is just part of his job, get it? He is a real pleasure to talk to when he has drunk some Martinis, really. I've heard he had an important mission here in Prague. Maybe that is all about saving young Czech chicks from getting confused with the damn English grammar!

bondaku ty kozle satdfakap jourself ju fakes apity prik.

Oh, excuse me, please! Those darn Martinis again!
Anyway, I don't think that this venue is the right one to be used as a love line, do you?

Fuck off asshole!

Dám půl království za štíhlou učitelku AJ z Brna ... Mám šanci a ozve se mi nějaká na mejlík ? Stav nerozhoduje ...

1) Melo by to byt "..I can assure you that..

2)(do You dig? znamena slangove v prekladu "Chapes to?", jako treba "you know wehere I'm coming from", "you know what I mean?", "you catching my drift?" etc.
Ovsem take treba "I dig this" = libi se mi to.

Well Shakey, that's about it for today. And yes, only Perrier tonight...
Have a lovely, delightful day out there my boy and behave yourself. Maybe we shall meet again...

1, To není blbe. Make sb. sure je standardní obrat, příp. se používá ještě "assure".
"Have idea OF..." je správně, připouštím, ale about bych nebral jako chybu.

2, a dig = v americkém slangu znamená šprt, případně to může být ještě rýpal, ten, co prostě pořád vrtá do všeho. Každopádně nechápu, proč jsem byl takto označen:-).

Nevím, co znamená slovo "chapes", znám jen chap/chappy nebo chappie, což znamená chlápek nebo kamarád, druh nebo kolega, a to zvláště v BrE. Nicméně je to úplně něco jiného než "dig".

3, s tím souhlasím, ale není to nic zvláštního. To připojování gerundií na závěr vět je v psané AJ celkem běžné.

4, s tím "impaired" máš pravdu, cripple se hodí trochu někam jinam, ale vzhledem k tomu, že v poslední době jsem tohle slovo slyšel vícekrát, naskočilo mi to jako první asociace.
Tak se měj fajn and no more alcohol today!
You seem to be a funny fellow to chat with. My pleasure...

Tohle je blbe
...and I can make you sure she has...

You dig? = slangove "chapes"?

"reasoning can be severely crippled" impaired se hodi lepe nez crippled

"..could damage one's brain depending on the amount consumed and the time one has spent drinking it." konec vety je dost neobratne vysroubovany

Jeste par drobnosti, ale jinak OK, much better then most "english speaking" people here.

Nejsem tady od toho, abych vymýšlel nějakou slovní ekvilibristiku. Jen jsem lehce upravil krátký anglický text, který je zcela neutrální a v podstatě by mu každý anglicky mluvící rozuměl. Kdyby ta dívka chtěla, abych přeložil z češtiny do AJ nějaký citově zabarvený text, něbo jinak expresivní, napsal bych to jinak. V tomto případě jsem pouze vyhověl zadání.
To, že se tady zneuznaný agent snaží dokázat, jak skvělý jeho ingliš je, to už nechám raději být.
For 007 personally:
Hopefully your hangover did not numb your mind completely. Anyway, you should not be drinking this much. When you drink like that your sense of judgment and reasoning can be severely crippled. Maybe you could consider some form of alcoholism treatment. It has been scientifically proven that especially shaken Martini could damage one's brain depending on the amount consumed and the time one has spent drinking it. So be aware, you I-never-drink-so-much-to-be-drunk agent, your behavior can produce irreversible health issues! I therefore advise you

Oh my, pardon me please.
I had quite a few Martinis (shaken, not stirred, of course) last night, which greatly affected my manner of expresion.
I would NEVER talk like this when sober. God save the Queen!

Tak to přelož po svým, my to zkontrolujeme. Přeložený je to fakt dobře, není důležitý mít "bacil ulice"

What the fuck...??!!
Hey Shakey, you master translator, loosen up a little bit and don't translate the original text so literally, you dig? Just because some confused Czech chick wrote it this way that doesn't mean that you have to translate it word by word.
Doesn't sound quite English, if you catch my drift.